And our epic continues:
Pg 136
-Vince and F! set out after
"a two-day-long workshop during which they were bombarded with one-liners and divine snippets from a balding, hackish wannabe in a jacket.... sorry, got a bit off track when i read
"two-day-long workshop".
-
"a two-day-long workshop during which they were bombarded with details about seismic activity, volcanic eruptions, dust clouds, toxic gas, plumes vented from underground reservoirs, pernicious parasites, and fungal infections...Possible storms fell into several categories: thunderstorms, windstorms, lightning, hail, freak snowstorms, and tornadoes, in addition to exotic smoke storms and static outbursts, colloquially called growlers...and those were the known hazards.
-I'd just tell them to hide in the vineyard if they see something scary, but hey, I already ruined the suspense by telling you that no one dies or gets injured by a storm in the entire book. Pretty CGI background.
-F! foreshadows! Vince:
"We haven't found anything yet." "We will." because of course these two idiots are the ones who will find the alien civilization. Oops, did I ruin it for you?
-To be fair, like Christophe, Vincent is a character that actually points out flaws with whats going on in an intelligent manner. As a result of being surrounded by idiots, he is going to die a horrible death.
-sorry, I'll stop dropping spoilers.
Pg 139
-
"Geometrical-hail showers". ??
-F! gets beaned in the head with a rather large shard. Since he's already a F!'n moron, no damage done.
-They hide in a fabric tent from the hail storm.
-Right next to the Trakmaster vehicle that they use to explore...
-Oh wait, the tent has a
"resilient overhang" which they hope will hold against the storm. It does. (
At this point, my Mage/Cleric looked at the DM and said. "I disbelieve! The storms are obviously an illusion." I must have failed my save, so I just pulled out my portable vineyard)
Pg 141
-F! claims to see a big scary monster-predator beasty.
"Unbelievable! We're all alone out here in a wild environment, and the General gives us nothing to defend ourselves with? What was he thinking?"
-You have a big truck. Run it over if its that bad. Or hide in the tent, if it can survive a 'geometric hailstorm' then a big cat-lizard can't do shit.
Chapter 22
-we're introduced to the Tug-fuck couple. I'm not going to look up their names.
Because all they do is run a tug and fuck.
I'm totally serious.
Chapter 23
Blah Blah Blah..Diadem
Pg 150
-Stringlines have been around for about 60-70 years, based on the age of the Diadem.
-I'm pretty sure that somewhere else they mention that the tech has been around for
200 years.
-Elsewhere its also mentioned that the Diadem's power comes from control of the stringlines.
-but here, for at least a paragraph, they've only been around since the Diadem was 20.
Pg 151
-Diadem throws a private dinner for two with The Black Lord.
-The Black Lord wears black.
-The Diadem serves MFLF's wine. TBL:
"It tastes...rough"
Pg 153
-
"Shiploads of Constellation inspectors...swarmed through the mines"
-they find
"countless supposed safety violations" and blame Christoph's own inspectors as being incompetent.
-for some reason, Louis is sent to his home planet for formal
"reading of the charges" although the trial will be back on Sonjeera afterwards.
blah blah blah Keanu wringing her hands for 5 pages about Louis being arrested for incompetence. Yeah, a
long KJA chapter about a moron bitching and moaning.
Pg 163
-MFLF is worried about the religious fanatics. So she sends her son Devon (I haven't mentioned him
because he's that important) and Ant. (BTW Devon and Ant will soon be a couple. I spared you the courting because its KJA)
-
"and if they do need supplies, provide them at no charge. I've made enough profit from those people already"
-Yeah, you know, I'm mostly liberal, so I don't have much problem with giving a helping hand to those who need it.
But you know, you're supposed to be on a
harsh planet with
little resources and these guys shirked the '1-year service agreement' that
supposedly keeps the settlement maintained.
But, hey, since that's all a crock of shit, go ahead and send them supplies,
since you're already about 80% sure they are dead.
Pg 165
-I highlighted the "But"s there since KJA starts two paragraphs in a row with "But". But I figured I could get away with it in an unprofessional, amateur critique if his editor let it slide for a
published manuscript.
-
"They had no way of knowing exactly which path the group had taken, but it was clear where they were going."
-No matter how you read that line it makes as much sense as a cataract on an anal probe. Since:
-They are headed to the impact crater; Devon says that's a favorite location for all the religious fanatics.
-
"Sooner or later, we'll probably have to pave a road out there. My mother would like to make it a toll-way."
-Devon tells a story about a clothes-eating fungus that left an entire settlement naked.
Chapter 27
-Col Muttonchops reminisces, again, differently...
Pg 168
-
"Hallholme should have despised his enemy, the man who had singlehandedly led the most destructive campaign in the history of the Constellation." (and failed...)
Pg 169
-Hallholme is paying tribute to the fallen soldiers at the rebellion graveyard.
Reason #3 why I didn't believe the earlier story Col. Muttonchops had told about a traitor shooting him in the head:
Pg 170
-
"And the deception had worked.
Hallholme had not, in truth, placed any of the hostages aboard his warships..."
I would assume that his crew would know that it was a deception, since he didn't have any of them packed on board the ship. So why then would one of them 'do the right thing' if he knows the civilians aren't really in danger?
Did he really think Col. Muttonchops would fake using the civilians as human shields, only to kill them for real down on the planet? And why would he tell his son a
completely different story?
Pg 172
-NAH has given and will keep his word not to leave Hellhole. So he has all the other rebel leaders come to him, using fake excuses, like
"a death in the family, private management retreats...some even admitted to going to Sonjeera"
-I wonder how many references to the "Superstars Writers Seminars" Brian and the editors had to edit out of this manuscript.
-I especially like the fake excuse of a death in the family. But hey, since there is no security at all anywhere and the Diadem has only one operative that is worth half a damn I guess we'll have to let it slide.
-Biodomes can't grow decent coffee. It's too
"watery". But hot damn, you should try the static roasted wine she makes...
-NAH! wears buisness attire rather than his rebel uniform to the meeting of rebels because
"the General preferred not to remind these planetary administrators about his past." Good move, because you don't want to remind them how much of an
utter fail you are at military leadership.
Pg 174
-
"Despite rumors his guests might have heard about the rustic conditions on Hellhole, they would not feel deprived during the meeting." sigh...
-NAH! shows the rebel leaders a chart of his NEW SURPRISE SECRET STRINGLINE HUB!!!!!
-
"If an outsider were to discover this chart, (NAH!) would have to kill them to protect the secret" What if they are packed into a military warship as a human shield and they see the chart, would you kill them then? No?
-But man, where would he hide such a structure? I mean it has to be in orbit. Hey, lets hide it in the planetary shadow! NO ONE EVERY LOOKS THERE. GAWD DAMN THAT'S CLEVER.
Why KJA never gives real interviews wrote:
Welcome to Amp's Fantasy Interview! Hey, KJA, you have a Physics BA, right?
"Yeah!"
You know that planets move right?
"Of Course..snicker"
And these stringline hubs are geosynchronous?
"
![Confused :?](./images/smilies/icon/confused.gif)
"
That means they stay in one point in orbit, directly over the dropzone
"Yeah, of course, that's what they do so the Upboxes and Downboxes work."
And the stringlines are basically like the railroads
"Yeah, they are supposed to be like the old west, the railroads cut through the wilderness and were a symbol of civilization against a bleak backdrop."
...
"Like Hellhole."
So a stringliner comes through at the wrong time of day, and
"Well they would stop obviously, before they ran into the planet"
Of course, which would put them on the other side of the planet
"Yeah"
Where the secret stringline hub is?
"um"
Moving on. So these stringline ships can detect the nodes and hubs moving at...ultrafast speeds...
"Yeah, you see the Iperion markers give off a Quantam signinture, this is all speculative hard science fiction by the way, so the stringliners follow the markers like breadcrumbs, or a railroad track."
So they can probably detect multiple nodes ahead, to make sure they are on the track?
"...Sure, so they can stay on the track, and detect the hub with enough time to slow down and stop."
But not the secret nodes or hub.
"...."
"Well, no...."
" 'cause..."
"It's in the planetary shadow..."
One last question, can you confirm or deny the accusation by a..."Sand-drider"... that you are in fact a massive shitheel?
"...You said the 501st were going to be here to protect me..."
Yeah, apparently Sandrider thought they were shitheels too and he and TheDukester took em out back, so...yeah, I'll call you a cab.
Oh, and my lawyer advised me to tell you to leave through the side exit with your jacket over your head since the rest of the OH are waiting outside the front with eggs and bricks. Hey before you go, could I get you to sign something for me?
Sure, whats that?
Just a Dune sign I took to the Colbert rally...