Jᴀᴄᴜʀᴜᴛᴜ - Tʜᴇ Cᴀsᴛ Oᴜᴛ

SandChigger wrote:... what distinguishes it from his definition of an "epic science-fiction saga"?

Well, one of them has swords and magic. The other one has blasters and science. Totally different, man!

Actually, no. Kevin's "science fiction" always has a bit of magic in it somewhere. And his McDune has swords, too.

Bzzzzzt! Try again!

I found the old Worm Blog post where he first announces the book/series idea: http://www.dunenovels.com/wormsblog/page019.html

He's dropped explicit mention of Prester John, it seems, but it's obvious he or his kingdom are still in there, when you read the description.

I wonder how much research Kevin has actually done. I can't imagine that his books will compare favorably in this respect to something like, say, Eco's The Island of the Day Before or Baudolino.

There will probably not be one original idea in the whole book. The whole three books. Hack.

SandChigger wrote:Actually, no. Kevin's "science fiction" always has a bit of magic in it somewhere. And his McDune has swords, too.

Bzzzzzt! Try again!

I found the old Worm Blog post where he first announces the book/series idea: http://www.dunenovels.com/wormsblog/page019.html

He's dropped explicit mention of Prester John, it seems, but it's obvious he or his kingdom are still in there, when you read the description.

I wonder how much research Kevin has actually done. I can't imagine that his books will compare favorably in this respect to something like, say, Eco's The Island of the Day Before or Baudolino.

There will probably not be one original idea in the whole book. The whole three books. Hack.

Hackerson wrote: Months ago I sold the three books to Orbit, the US publishers of "Seven Suns" but because contracts departments take so long (often longer than it takes me to write a complete novel), I wasn't allowed to announce the deal until now.

So, actually not very long...

He's comparing himself to George R.R. Martin now?

Yeah, evidently. I can't wait until orald sees that.

KJA and GRRM are antonyms!

Mr. Teg wrote:... often longer than it takes me to write a complete novel ...

Well, hack, that might be because the lawyers can't just go hike out a contract now, can they? They have to strive for some accuracy, after all.

Fucking hack.

Kevvy wrote:...a dash of the impossible...

Is this an indication that KJA is trying to improve? His previous novels featured more than a "dash" of the impossible

SandChigger wrote:Kevin has finally come out and shown the world his NEW BIG THANG!

No, he hasn't had a penile transplant that would make him the belle of the size-queen balls or anything like that.

HE'S BEEN WRITIN' ROCK SONGS WITH 'BECCA!

On paper your words,
your thoughts, your love…
I read with a bleeeeee
ding heart.
The ink is smeared
with a tear, my love.
For my life
was lost
without you.

Sealed in a bottle,
a gift from the sea!
Borne on the waves
from you to me!
Oh the currents and tides
were merciful guides
to bring your letter to me.

OH MY unhyphenated GAWD! Isn't that just BRILLIANT SHIT?!

It's like a reject from Spinal Tap.

It's cute the way he talks about his love letter bobbing along in a bottle to his missus. I suppose his dictating machine would have sunk.

They started showing this year's American Idol over the the weekend. Two of the ultra losers among the hopefuls sang their own material ... and as bad as it was, it was better than this crap.

chanilover wrote:It's cute the way he talks about his love letter bobbing along in a bottle to his missus.

If that's the story, imagine ole 'Becca had to write most of it herself.

I imagine she has to take care of a lot of things by herself.

Know what I mean?

"Good gawd, Rebecca, is that your cell phone making that racket in your purse?"

"Oh NO!"

Brrrrrrr! Brrrrrrrrrr! Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

I suppose his dictating machine would have sunk.

And what a tragedy that would have been.

SandChigger wrote:They started showing this year's American Idol over the the weekend. Two of the ultra losers among the hopefuls sang their own material ... and as bad as it was, it was better than this crap.

chanilover wrote:It's cute the way he talks about his love letter bobbing along in a bottle to his missus.

If that's the story, imagine ole 'Becca had to write most of it herself.

I imagine she has to take care of a lot of things by herself.

Know what I mean?

"Good gawd, Rebecca, is that your cell phone making that racket in your purse?"

"Oh NO!"

Brrrrrrr! Brrrrrrrrrr! Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

I suppose his dictating machine would have sunk.

And what a tragedy that would have been.

How ironic!
Both Kevin and Rebecca are slaves to their machines

(Sirens...what...keisatsu...dame da!)

Ain't touchin' that.

Not without rubber gloves, at least.

Sounds to me that KJA might be what is referred to as a Killer-GM. Of course, with his obsession with super-weapons and his need for attention, i imagine he's also a monty-haul GM.

Either way he might have as much success as K-Fed, but i doubt it.

Merciful Heavens! Kevin has posted the leer-icks to the other song!

(Over on MySpace. I may actually have to give the asshat some due credit: he isn't posting this shit on the Dumb Novels "Dune 'Blog'". Just like he said he wouldn't. )

MERCIFUL TIDES/LETTERS IN A BOTTLE (REPRISE)

On paper, your words, your thoughts, your love,
I read with a pleading heart.
The ink is smeared with a tear, my Love,
For my life was lost without you.

Sealed in a bottle, a gift from the sea
Borne on the waves so amazingly,
Ah, the currents and tides
were merciful guides,
To bring your letter to me.

As winds on dark seas took you far,
I made a wish upon a star,
And hoped and prayed
that you’d find a way,
To show you remember me.

Sealed in a bottle, a gift from the sea
Borne on the waves so amazingly,
Ah, the currents and tides
were merciful guides,
To bring your letter to me.

Though I may have been taken far
To strange lands under distant stars
I read your note with yearning,
And all my heart longs for you.

Though I’m lost beyond the horizon,
As if stranded on a desert island,
Let my voice call your heart.
Let my love bring you to me.

Your warm embrace I miss, my love,
But this paper holds your kiss.
I feel all our hopes and love, my Love.
In a letter you sent to me.

----
Ah ... it was a PLeading heart, not one with a leak!

Gor...there it is, in all its glory. ... Rather sick-making, wot?


The intro blurbiness runs thus:

Earlier in the story, the male lead Criston Vora (sung by Michael Sadler) has parted from his wife Adrea to sail off on a long voyage, exploring the unknown seas. As he promised, he writes her letters, which he seals in a bottle and throws overboard, hoping the merciful tides will carry them to her, wherever she is. That song is called "Letters in a Bottle."

In this song, the reprise of "Letters," after Adrea has been through many turbulent tragedies and adventures, when all hope seems to be lost, she is astonished to find one of Criston's letters washed up on the shore before her. Unsealing the bottle and reading the letter, she knows he remembers her, even though they have been separated.

Urp. Oh...excuse me, a little of my lunch just tried to fling itself from my mouth, which it had crawled back up into.

Oooh, I just love how he's created such emotional tension in a truly unique and original new world!

I hate sappy shit like that.

Letter in a fucking bottle. How drawn is that guy to used-up concepts?

"Sending out an S-O-S ...

"Sending out an S-O-S ..."

Feyd sang it first, Kevin. Christsakes, have one original thought in your lifetime ...

You know, I bet if Kevvy published some of his stuff he wrote when he was 8 (isn't that when he said he started) it might prove to be some of his best work. At least back then he might have had an original idea.

Gawd help us if he starts publishing poetry. I'm waiting for him to delve into the abyssal retard-itude that is vampire romance.

Vampire Romance is a crime against humanity.

working at a bookstore we've had ample time to discuss this

NO BLOOD PRESSURE, NO BODY TEMPERATURE. YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT"S LIKE FUCKING A VAMPIRE, GO BUY A DEAD TURKEY AND STICK THE WING IN YOUR SNATCH.

mmm sexy

I just thought of a new use for a turkey baster...

Impregnating females against their knowledge while they sleep?

Drunken Idaho wrote:Impregnating females against their knowledge while they sleep?

No, but that's how my three kids were conceived.

Ah, are they all little baster bastards?

Baraka Bryan wrote:that's what he really does on his 'hiking trips'

Well ... hiking and camping out DO naturally go together. No?


It's only a matter of time until Kevvie gets to vampires. After all, he's already done Frankenstein with Dean Coont.

Let Me guess Frankenstein was just a guy with "a lot of cool body parts"

Kinda like "Batman was a guy with cool toys".


No I'm not letting those go.



BTW I found these great quotes on Amazon under the Koontz/Anderson 'book'

"Koontz co-wrote this book with someone else and it reads like it. It seems that these two guys were locked in separate rooms and wrote two different stories and never bothered to talk to one another while they were writing."

"The repetition of information and slow pace gave this book the feel of elementary school reading material. This series could have been condensed into one book and it would have been the better for it. I gave it two stars for the infrequent plot twists that got me through the book rather than throwing it away."

"It reads like two people wrote this sitting in the same chair, fighting over the keyboard. I've never seen more awkward use of tags in dialog...I remember a brief note Koontz posted on his web site saying that he was disappointed in the Frankenstein book(s) himself and would finish the series solo. He certainly can't do worse and I suspect the collaboration may be at fault. I've never read Anderson's books, but I'm pretty familiar with Koontz and it just didn't jive with what I had read before."

sound familiar?