Jᴀᴄᴜʀᴜᴛᴜ - Tʜᴇ Cᴀsᴛ Oᴜᴛ

Because I haven't. I don't know what it's about. Can someone give a detailed synopsis?

You don't "read" Paul of Dune. You throw it against walls, stomp on it, post angry rants on the internet and remind yourself that physical violence and threats are criminal acts in this country. Then you read the next paragraph and repeat the process.

You lose brain cells every chapter, and you find gray hairs on your pillow in the morning.

Basically, its all the worst parts of country music drawn out into a 500-page novel.

And just like any other classic abusive relationship, you keep reading, if only to see if they either redeem themselves in the end or actually pull off escalating the abuse to a level you didn't think possible. You'll have thicker skin in the end, but you'll need therapy.

I read a few chapters in Borders but the more I read the angrier I became.

Tleszer mad! Tleszer smash! Fire GOOD!

While I was listening to the audiobook my favourite phrase for those 18 hours of my life was "What?! For fuck's sake!.. Bladdy hell." which I managed to say at least twice per chapter.

Can't wait for JoD

Mr Chigger created a table of contents for PoD -

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:SandChigger/PoDToC

(It's probably more useful to people who have already suffered through it - but it will give you a flavour as to the sort of stuff that goes on...)

DuneFishUK wrote:Mr Chigger created a table of contents for PoD -

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:SandChigger/PoDToC

(It's probably more useful to people who have already suffered through it - but it will give you a flavour as to the sort of stuff that goes on...)

I just scanned it over a bit... There's a cyborg in PoD??? FUCKING RETARDED HACKS!

Yeah - Rhombur the Ixian Prince who Yueh borg'd up in House Atreides etc is still going strong.

In all fairness though - I thought that scene was genuinely cool. For once they really nailed the pulpy cheese factor brilliantly and it made me grin.

Then I remembered this was meant to be DUNE

Okay, so he's Ixian... Still a stretch, but vaaaaaguely plausible. But no way a Suk would perform such alterations. I'm sure the conditioning includes the Butlerian proscriptions. Then again, I suppose Yueh isn't much for sticking to the conditioning...

Bleh, it's still stupid.

First of all, there are no orginal books, what are you talking about? Mr. Anderson created all of this by himself. They were his ideas in the first place and he just wanted to express himself, becuase he had a bad childhood where everyday big black men came and raped his father while his mother watched. Because of this he was inspired to write a seires of novels that are supposed to be "prequels, sequels and interquels" to a bunch of books by some dead guy. What genuis!

Of course there are rumors circulating around that those books were actually written first and are in much supieror quality to his own. But fortunately, Mr. Anderson burned all of those people up in his ovens, right next to all of the Weinsteins and Goldbergs in the world.

Man, people think up the craziest things...

Stopped at page 40 about 5 months ago.

OH GOD, you're kidding?!

You didn't read page 45?!

YOU GOTTA READ PAGE 45!!! (It's hilarious!)

SandChigger wrote:OH GOD, you're kidding?!

You didn't read page 45?!

YOU GOTTA READ PAGE 45!!! (It's hilarious!)

Oh, fuck, you've got my curiosity up. I'll have to think about jumping in again. Does that mean I'll have to read the rest of page 40-44 as well?

Nekhrun wrote:

SandChigger wrote:OH GOD, you're kidding?!

You didn't read page 45?!

YOU GOTTA READ PAGE 45!!! (It's hilarious!)

Oh, fuck, you've got my curiosity up. I'll have to think about jumping in again. Does that mean I'll have to read the rest of page 40-44 as well?

I was going to say yes, but since it's a KJA & BH book there will be enough repeated on page 45 that'll get you all caught up so you don't have to read 40-44.

I'd read a couple of chapters of the hardback every time I went to my local B&N. I'd just flip the book open and start reading. It would usually take about 15 or so seconds before I'd begin shaking my head and mumbling "Worst ... writer ... ever."

Tleszer wrote:

Nekhrun wrote:

SandChigger wrote:OH GOD, you're kidding?!

You didn't read page 45?!

YOU GOTTA READ PAGE 45!!! (It's hilarious!)

Oh, fuck, you've got my curiosity up. I'll have to think about jumping in again. Does that mean I'll have to read the rest of page 40-44 as well?

I was going to say yes, but since it's a KJA & BH book there will be enough repeated on page 45 that'll get you all caught up so you don't have to read 40-44.

Well, I'm in luck. I'm not sure where my copy is right now after moving all of my furniture around a few times to install new carpet. Maybe the installers took it out with the trash.

Don't worry, dude: it'll find its way back to you.

I'm ... I'm convinced my copy is possessed. I've tried selling it, giving it away ... hell, I even ripped all the pages out and burned them! And the next day, there it was again on the table when I came down in the morning. It's ... it's gotten so bad I can't sleep at night. I ... I ... I don't know what to do. SOMEONE HELP ME! OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD!!!!

SC, you're missing a golden opportunity. Start a web-cam called "Destroy PoD for Today" Film the destruction, (i.e. delivery of Justice) and voila! tomorrow you have a free copy to torture again.

If you can get that copy Autographed it would pack more of an emotional punch.



p.s. you bastard, I went back and re-read page 45. Why did I do that, why why. the least ludicrous thing on that page is Paul biting into an orange through the "bitter" peel. Who does that? Seriously.

Sorry, dude.

But in a death struggle with an unspeakably evil opponent (Nekhrun), some collateral damage sacrifices are acceptable and expected.

I'll think about the web-cam idea.


Hey, Nekhrun! She's finally started a new site:

http://www.arrakeen_forum.net/

SandChigger wrote:Sorry, dude.

But in a death struggle with an unspeakably evil opponent (Nekhrun), some collateral damage sacrifices are acceptable and expected.

I'll think about the web-cam idea.


Hey, Nekhrun! She's finally started a new site:

http://www.arrakeen_forum.net/

My internet's not working so I can't check the site right now.

Oh yeah, and sorry Ampoliros, I thought someone else might get dragged into this. Omph, have you read that page yet?

SandChigger, I'll be sure to let you know how that book resurfaces around here. I'm sure it's somewhere.

The pink banners are much more subtle on that new site.

Omph, have you read that page yet?

You mean the page in all those e-mails a while back. Sure, Dude!

Yes, and I can sum it up: Worse than Sandworms!

Definitely.

I found something this morning I must have missed the first time through:

That asshat son of a bitch hack KJA has his Tleilaxu KH Thallo "out-Duncaning" Duncan!

"I am more than a clone, more than a ghola," he said, "and much more than a person. Dr. Ereboam fused specific molecular memories into me, from the cells of historical figures that he thinks will aid me in becoming their superpowerful puppet. I sense that I am Gilbertus Albans, who founded the Order of Mentats. I am Jool-Noret, the greatest Swordmaster in the history of Ginaz. I am Crown Prince Raphael Corrino, too—as well as thousands of others."

It's not enough to have demoted FH's books to in-universe texts within this piece of shit, he still has to surpass his creations by writing something bigger in an earlier time period. Damn.

SandChigger wrote:Definitely.

I found something this morning I must have missed the first time through:

That asshat son of a bitch hack KJA has his Tleilaxu KH Thallo "out-Duncaning" Duncan!

"I am more than a clone, more than a ghola," he said, "and much more than a person. Dr. Ereboam fused specific molecular memories into me, from the cells of historical figures that he thinks will aid me in becoming their superpowerful puppet. I sense that I am Gilbertus Albans, who founded the Order of Mentats. I am Jool-Noret, the greatest Swordmaster in the history of Ginaz. I am Crown Prince Raphael Corrino, too—as well as thousands of others."

It's not enough to have demoted FH's books to in-universe texts within this piece of shit, he still has to surpass his creations by writing something bigger in an earlier time period. Damn.

Oh no. Now I almost want to read it, for an anger trip...

First the Tleilaxu religion not being a massive secret anymore, then the tanks, then no-ships and no-chambers, then various BG quirks, what else do they think they can do better than FH?

Schu wrote:what else do they think they can do better than FH?

Write shite faster.

Did he really write "superpowerful"?

And did a series of "test readers" and "editors" really let that get through?

Worst. Writer. EVER.