That's actually the best specific criticism I've gotten so far. I wrote this for my Creative Writing class last semester and most of the responses I got were along the lines of "Oooh, aliens!" and "I don't get it because the main characters aren't human." Naturally, this got pretty boring after a while.
Redstar wrote:I don't see how an infrared scanner would be particularly useful in surveying a planet for life. You can probably tell just by looking at it that there's going to be life (earth is pretty green, and while the water doesn't directly show life, its very presence suggests it). Plus an infrared scanner that can survey an entire planet might not be delicate enough to ignore the molten core at the center.
Point taken, although I'd like them to use some kind of scanner; even the ever-popular "planet scan", if nothing else. Maybe I've played too much
Spore
Redstar wrote:Culture. Singular? You're telling me an advanced alien race that has as its purpose discovering new life isn't aware that various cultures can spring up from a single sentient race? Note that different cultures also crop up in animal populations, so it's even less likely an opinion from an "expert".
Point taken, to a degree. Most primitive cultures, while different in details, have the same fundamental elements: animistic religious traditions, elder leadership, occupational castes, etc. Granted, as those societies evolve, the differences will become more pronounced, but hunter-gatherers in Africa, for instance, aren't fundamentally different from hunter-gatherers in the Amazon Basin. For the aliens' purposes, questions of cultural details would probably be better addressed by a more civilized group.
Redstar wrote:Again, a supposed group of experts that specializes in studying and contacting sentient beings don't even have the common sense to look at their own historical background as context? You can't say that they're the exception to the universe of "primitives", since they're behavior and opinions clearly suggest a human mentality of primitives.
I never stated that they
were the exception, only that they
thought they were. European colonists thought the same thing in the 1600's, and the Western world still tends to believe that. I understand if my explanations were vague, though.
Redstar wrote:You talking about a multiverse or something?
It was an apparently poor attempt at a joke. If it helps, I thought it was kinda lame, too
Redstar wrote:It came off like a standard sci-fi short story. Nothing especially interesting; no deep philosophical ideas, no dry wit on human origins, no cultural differences leading to outright stupid conclusions... None of that stuff. It seems like you just went with a short piece laced with occasional humour and focusing mostly on the potential of the species.
It was written well enough. Some sentences I would have structured differently, but it was at least readable. Keep at it and maybe we'll see something exceptional from you, eh?
In light of your recent evisceration of E. LeGuille's story, I'm almost hesitant to say that this isn't supposed to be a stand-alone story. Another one I'm working on in the same continuum would be about modern-day contact, and I anticipate it would be followed by some other stories in the same vein. Of course, I could probably cover a lot of those bases if I just expanded my ideas for this story first, like having more interaction with the natives.
Thanks again for looking it over!