Writers [read: hacks] and their stupid gimmicks
Moderators: Omphalos, Freakzilla, ᴶᵛᵀᴬ
- SandChigger
- KJASF Ground Zero
- Posts: 14492
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- Location: A continuing state of irritation
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Re: Writers [read: hacks] and their stupid gimmicks
Hubbard was a small-talent hack with a low sperm count who pieced together a rag coat of many colors and used it to mesmerize and dupe a lot of dopes out of a lot of money.
Paul was a thug who co-opted a Jewish revival movement and turned it into an Eastern mystery religion.
Hubbard is an amateur compared to Paul. Sure, he screwed over a lot of people, and his "Church" continues to do the same. But Paul and his lot have fucked an entire planet.
Without a condom.
Paul was a thug who co-opted a Jewish revival movement and turned it into an Eastern mystery religion.
Hubbard is an amateur compared to Paul. Sure, he screwed over a lot of people, and his "Church" continues to do the same. But Paul and his lot have fucked an entire planet.
Without a condom.
- A Thing of Eternity
- Posts: 6090
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- Location: Calgary Alberta
Re: Writers [read: hacks] and their stupid gimmicks
Nicely said.
- Freakzilla
- Lead Singer and Driver of the Winnebego
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Re: Writers [read: hacks] and their stupid gimmicks
A Thing of Eternity wrote:HEY! it's at least as valid as Christianity.SandChigger wrote:It's not a religion.smugetsu wrote:I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't be mocking other peoples' "religion."
That's exactly what the Flying Spaghetti Monster wants you to believe.
Paul of Dune was so bad it gave me a seizure that dislocated both of my shoulders and prolapsed my anus.
~Pink Snowman
-
- Posts: 158
- Joined: 11 Aug 2009 20:13
Re: Writers [read: hacks] and their stupid gimmicks
Michael Crichton had that thing going that as he neared completion of a novel he'd wake up earlier and earlier until he finished writing.
Not nearly as good as writing 4200 pages while walking through your community's park, but hey, an author has to start somewhere.
Not nearly as good as writing 4200 pages while walking through your community's park, but hey, an author has to start somewhere.
- Omphalos
- Inglorious Bastard
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Re: Writers [read: hacks] and their stupid gimmicks
The Scientologists have been running some seriously expensive looking ads about hope through Scientology in CA lately. Anyone else seen them?
- cmsahe
- Posts: 598
- Joined: 26 Aug 2008 22:40
- Location: Mexico City
Re: Writers [read: hacks] and their stupid gimmicks
Where is the link to the hacks plot generator??!!! The above link is so funny!!!TheDukester wrote:And, to celebrate, here's a Dan Brown Plot Generator™!SandChigger wrote:I guess he has a new book out today?
http://www.slate.com/id/2228327/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
When I originally saw that last night, my first thought was: "Anderjacket would have fit that joke perfectly, too."
Only the books written by Frank Herbert are canon.
Who We Are and What We Stand For
viewtopic.php?p=79778#p79778
----
Carlos Santillan, aka cmsahe
Who We Are and What We Stand For
viewtopic.php?p=79778#p79778
----
Carlos Santillan, aka cmsahe
- othaderak
- Posts: 149
- Joined: 11 Jul 2009 01:07
- Location: The phenomenal world
Re: Writers [read: hacks] and their stupid gimmicks
I just copied the code for Maddox's Tom Clancy plot generator to make the KJA one. Check out the original here: http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net ... tty_moviescmsahe wrote:Where is the link to the hacks plot generator??!!! The above link is so funny!!!
- othaderak
- Posts: 149
- Joined: 11 Jul 2009 01:07
- Location: The phenomenal world
Re: Writers [read: hacks] and their stupid gimmicks
Here's the finished code. Hope it works:
If someone could paste this into a webpage for me, that'd be awesome. I'm no good with programming, just copypasta'ing.
Code: Select all
<P>
<FONT COLOR=#FFFFFF><U>Kevin J. Anderson Plot Generator:</U></FONT>
<P>
<FORM NAME=KJA>
<TABLE WIDTH=100% BORDER=0 CELLSPACING=1 CELLPADDING=2>
<TR>
<TD CLASS=h3>
Bad guys:
</TD>
<TD CLASS=h3>
Diabolical scheme:
</TD>
<TD CLASS=h3>
Third party:
</TD>
</TR>
<TR>
<TD CLASS=h3>
<SELECT NAME=badguys onchange=results(1)>
<Option VALUE="blank" selected>Select one:
<Option VALUE="Tleilaxu">Tleilaxu
<Option VALUE="Independent robots">Independent robots
<Option VALUE="Rogue Imperial officers">Rogue Imperial officers
<Option VALUE="Talifans">Talifans
</SELECT>
</TD>
<TD CLASS=h3>
<SELECT NAME=diabolical onchange=results(1)>
<Option VALUE="blank" selected>Select one:
<Option VALUE="d1">build a ridiculously overblown superweapon
<Option VALUE="d2">take over the galaxy
<Option VALUE="d3">act really, really dark
<Option VALUE="d4">write mean reviews on Amazon
</SELECT>
</TD>
<TD CLASS=h3>
<SELECT NAME=third_party onchange=results(1)>
<Option VALUE="blank" selected>Select one:
<Option VALUE="tp1">corrupt New Republic senators
<Option VALUE="tp2">corrupt Parks and Recreation officials
<Option VALUE="tp3">corrupt Spacing Guild officials
<Option VALUE="tp4">fans of the old books
</SELECT>
</TD>
</TR>
<TR>
<TD CLASS=h3>
Increased stake:
</TD>
<TD CLASS=h3 COLSPAN=2>
Hero:
</TD>
</TR>
<TR>
<TD CLASS=h3>
<SELECT NAME=increased_stake onchange=results(1)>
<Option VALUE="blank" selected>Select one:
<Option VALUE="is1">freighter full of ultraspice
<Option VALUE="is2">some really good hiking trails
<Option VALUE="is3">laregly ignored internet forum
<Option VALUE="is4">string of bestsellers
</SELECT>
</TD>
<TD CLASS=h3 COLSPAN=2>
<SELECT NAME=hero onchange=results(1)>
<Option VALUE="blank" selected>Select one:
<Option VALUE="h1">washed-up forum administrator
<Option VALUE="h2">self-avowed literary genius
<Option VALUE="h3">plucky squad of teen Jedi
<Option VALUE="h4">seemingly inexplicable superbeing from another time/novel
</SELECT>
</TD>
</TR>
<TR>
<TD CLASS=h3 COLSPAN=2>
Conclusion:
</TD>
</TR>
<TR>
<TD CLASS=h3 COLSPAN=3>
<SELECT NAME=conclusion onchange=results(1)>
<Option VALUE="blank" selected>Select one:
<Option VALUE="c1">Another satisfying tale of political intrigue and personal redemption closes, and we all walk away from this book a little wiser.
</SELECT>
</TD>
</TR>
</TABLE>
<P>
Your plot:
<P>
<TEXTAREA NAME=plot COLS=110 ROWS=7 READONLY>[Select one item from each category above to create your plot]</TEXTAREA>
</FORM>
<SCRIPT LANGUAGE=JAVASCRIPT TYPE="TEXT/JAVASCRIPT">
// Copyright 2004 by Maddox, used here as a fair-use parody
function results(s_option)
{
with (document.forms["KJA"])
{
//var plot_tot = "";
if (badguys.value != 'blank')
{
plot.value = badguys.value + " devise a scheme to ";
if (diabolical.value != 'blank')
{
if (diabolical.value == 'd1')
plot.value = plot.value + "build a ridiculously overblown superweapon";
else if (diabolical.value == 'd2')
plot.value = plot.value + "take over the galaxy";
else if (diabolical.value == 'd3')
plot.value = plot.value + "act really, really dark";
else if (diabolical.value == 'd4')
plot.value = plot.value + "write mean reviews on Amazon while claiming to be merely";
if (third_party != 'blank')
{
if (third_party.value == 'tp1')
plot.value = plot.value + "Tleilaxu. The plot twists when the ";
else if (third_party.value == 'tp2')
plot.value = plot.value + "Independent robots. The plot twists when the ";
else if (third_party.value == 'tp3')
plot.value = plot.value + "Rogue Imperial officers. The plot twists when the ";
else if (third_party.value == 'tp4')
plot.value = plot.value + "Talifans. The plot twists when the ";
if (increased_stake != 'blank')
{
if (increased_stake.value == 'is1')
plot.value = plot.value + badguys.value + "hijack a shipment of ultraspice even after their demands are met, unless ";
else if (increased_stake.value == 'is2')
plot.value = plot.value + badguys.value + "threaten to close some really good hiking trails. Hundreds of dictating hours are at stake unless ";
else if (increased_stake.value == 'is3')
plot.value = plot.value + badguys.value + "abandon and mock a largely ignored internet forum, unless ";
else if (increased_stake.value == 'is4')
plot.value = plot.value + badguys.value + "threaten to disrupt an unbroken string of national bestsellers, unless ";
if (hero.value != 'blank')
{
if (hero.value == 'h1')
plot.value = plot.value + "washed-up forum administrator " + badguys.value + " once and for all. ";
else if (hero.value == 'h2')
plot.value = plot.value + "self-avowed literary genius " + badguys.value + " once and for all. ";
else if (hero.value == 'h3')
plot.value = plot.value + "plucky squad of teen Jedi can gain the courage to stop the " + badguys.value + " once and for all. ";
else if (hero.value == 'h4')
plot.value = plot.value + "seemingly inexplicable superbeing from another time/novel appears just in time to save humanity and stop the " + badguys.value + " once and for all. ";
if (conclusion.value != 'blank')
if (conclusion.value == 'c1')
plot.value = plot.value + "The book ends with a mildly comical and/or ironic scene in which the " + badguys.value + " blow up or get sent to another dimension. Another satisfying tale of political intrigue and personal redemption closes, and we all walk away from this book a little wiser.";
} // if (hero.value != 'blank')
} // if (increased_stake != 'blank')
} // if (third_party != 'blank')
} // if (diabolical.value != 'blank')
} // if (badguys.value != 'blank')
} // with (document.forms["KJA"])
} // function results(s_option)
</SCRIPT>
<P>
- smugetsu
- Posts: 264
- Joined: 25 May 2009 12:24
- Location: Lurking somewhere out there
Re: Writers [read: hacks] and their stupid gimmicks
I know it's not...hence the quotes!SandChigger wrote:It's not a religion.smugetsu wrote:I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't be mocking other peoples' "religion."
I don't really understand how anyone could believe all that and then tell someone with a straight face. Of course, I feel the same way about all religions, but Scientology is a really extreme example of idiocy. That's my opinion, but I suppose others are entitled to their own as well. Even if they're idiots.
- SandChigger
- KJASF Ground Zero
- Posts: 14492
- Joined: 08 Feb 2008 22:29
- Location: A continuing state of irritation
- Contact:
"My Gawd ... it's full of pix!"
Hey, who says KJA doesn't lurk here? Or that at the very least his flunkies don't report back to him what's said here?
The Hack has blahgged about his hiking trip back in mid-October ... complete with pix!
Unfortunately, he still doesn't get the point: he's not shown in any of them!
Yet another MASSIVE FAIL brought to you by Kevin J. Anderson!
(I gotta delete my RSS feeds to his site already! )
The Hack has blahgged about his hiking trip back in mid-October ... complete with pix!
Unfortunately, he still doesn't get the point: he's not shown in any of them!
Yet another MASSIVE FAIL brought to you by Kevin J. Anderson!
(I gotta delete my RSS feeds to his site already! )
"Let the dead give water to the dead. As for me, it's NO MORE FUCKING TEARS!"
- lotek
- Posts: 5784
- Joined: 28 Jul 2009 08:33
Re: Writers [read: hacks] and their stupid gimmicks
hey the hack knows a thing or two about writers gimmicks:
from his tweet
from his tweet
or like reading any of your books if I may add# I love BSG, but "The Plan" was just a bunch of old episode scenes strung together w/minimal new footage. Like watching a polished up rerun.8:28 PM Oct 28th from web
Spice is the worm's gonads.