Jᴀᴄᴜʀᴜᴛᴜ - Tʜᴇ Cᴀsᴛ Oᴜᴛ

1. Guilt Casters? Really?

...

Really?

"Hey guys, we just invented something called guilt casting, let's use it twice and then erase it from all our minds."

"But it's really strong! We could totally destroy anyone that challenges without using poison or noticeable violence!"

"Frank Herbert never heard of it! Let's give ourselves amnesia!"

2. Duncan Idaho will never betray House Atriedes.

Except for that one time he let Gurney go and never told Alia about it. Even though in Children of Dune he's all tormented about betraying her.

3. The continuation of the wacky misadventures of Paul Atriedes! Joining a circus troupe! What will our plucky hero get into next?
Remember how Paul cried after killing Jamis when he was 15? Well, when he was twelve he was friends with a group of professional assassins. Weird huh?

4. and so on and on and on

Well, degrees of "worst" is always a tricky thing, and it's not that Winds is a good book by any means ...

But I just don't see how anything could be worse than Sandworms.

I mean ever. Not just the worst in the McDune series; the worst book written in the English language. Ever.

You obviously haven't taken a look at any of BH's Timeweb books yet, then.

"The kind of books that make [you] regret [you] ever learned to read."

Welcome, Superdog, and welmet!

I hope one of their squeezings after Hunters is their worst because I couldn't force myself through anything of theirs after that.

I couldn't force myself to read it either. Hunter and Sandworms were fucking awful, so I said "no more of this shit."

After reading the house and legends series I had enough. When the Hack revealed some sample chapters of "hunters" on Dumbnovels I felt sick for weeks. I never picked up a McDune book after that experience. Bene Gesserit RM's let themselves be tortured on the No-ship? WTF!

I barely made it through Hunters...mostly morbid curiosity keep me going.
But simply couldn't finish SoD.
(And I really wanted to if simply to mine for parody material)
The stank!

But the Chig is right.

If you think those were bad you should read Time Web by Brian.
OMG

KJA has his dictator.
BH has his crayons.
"My God! The box is full of colours!"

haven't smelled the winds of dune but I guess they reek of stupid and fail, as usual...

but I concur Suckworms was the worst I ever read in the series, no plot no character building no nothing... and that ending?
Fuck me that is the lamest cop out I've ever seen!

Reminds me of those school essays you had to give with a certain amount of words... It feels like the hack surprised himself by reaching it and just invented that fairy tale so he wouldn't have to dicthike anymore...

From the sound of them, Winds or Paul are their weakest overall efforts to date, but I don't think anything could ever beat the way that Sandworms actually made me want to vomit it was so upsetting! That was the book where it stopped being fun to read their books and make fun of them to me, and I truly regretted having read it.

I'm done for now, I'm trying to erase it all.

I'd argue that House Atredies was the worst because its success allowed them to rape the crap out of the series.
I'm not even going to bother to spell Atredies correctly there because that would suggest that it really belonged with Dune. Sure, the original contract was for a trilogy and there is no way they would let something with the name DUNE splayed all over the cover fail, but it was the first sin that allowed for them to continue.

Quality-wise Winds was the worst. Its amazing how each time they actually 1-up themselves for the worst book ever written. Irulan on the Throne of Dune will be beyond comprehension. I predict a rogue pirate highlander ghola cyborg love story that tempts Irulan to consider a second marriage. That and a huge war story of fail when The Separatists attack with their clone army. I'm sorry, I meant when Saddam attacks with his ghola army. Yeah I misspelled that on purpose. Shaddam will change his name after being influenced by the OM of an Old Earth Dictator.

Ampoliros wrote:I'd argue that House Atredies was the worst because its success allowed them to rape the crap out of the series.
I'm not even going to bother to spell Atredies correctly there because that would suggest that it really belonged with Dune. Sure, the original contract was for a trilogy and there is no way they would let something with the name DUNE splayed all over the cover fail, but it was the first sin that allowed for them to continue.

Quality-wise Winds was the worst. Its amazing how each time they actually 1-up themselves for the worst book ever written. Irulan on the Throne of Dune will be beyond comprehension. I predict a rogue pirate highlander ghola cyborg love story that tempts Irulan to consider a second marriage. That and a huge war story of fail when The Separatists attack with their clone army. I'm sorry, I meant when Saddam attacks with his ghola army. Yeah I misspelled that on purpose. Shaddam will change his name after being influenced by the OM of an Old Earth Dictator.

You never fail to crack me up, dude.

Omphalos wrote:

Ampoliros wrote:I'd argue that House Atredies was the worst because its success allowed them to rape the crap out of the series.
I'm not even going to bother to spell Atredies correctly there because that would suggest that it really belonged with Dune. Sure, the original contract was for a trilogy and there is no way they would let something with the name DUNE splayed all over the cover fail, but it was the first sin that allowed for them to continue.

Quality-wise Winds was the worst. Its amazing how each time they actually 1-up themselves for the worst book ever written. Irulan on the Throne of Dune will be beyond comprehension. I predict a rogue pirate highlander ghola cyborg love story that tempts Irulan to consider a second marriage. That and a huge war story of fail when The Separatists attack with their clone army. I'm sorry, I meant when Saddam attacks with his ghola army. Yeah I misspelled that on purpose. Shaddam will change his name after being influenced by the OM of an Old Earth Dictator.

You never fail to crack me up, dude.

What's funny is it's really that bad.

Ampoliros wrote:I predict a rogue pirate highlander ghola cyborg love story that tempts Irulan to consider a second marriage. That and a huge war story of fail when The Separatists attack with their clone army. I'm sorry, I meant when Saddam attacks with his ghola army. Yeah I misspelled that on purpose. Shaddam will change his name after being influenced by the OM of an Old Earth Dictator.

Nice.

I couldn't continue after Sandworms. Up to that point, I was actually willing to overlook the terrible writing and lack of plot or storyline just to have more (Mc)Dune. After reading the rediculously bad ending, that clearly had absolutely no Frank Herbert influence or involvement nor any relationship to the original Dune, I realized that I had been the victim of a massive fraud perpetuated by Bobo and the Hack.

Apparently "massive fraud" is where I draw the line. I can deal with bad writing, regurgitated star wars lite "plot lines" and obvious dicta-hicking crap, but I couldn't pull myself away until the massive fraud was obvious.

I have, of course, read a few chapters/pages of the crap that they have written since Sandworms (mostly on this site). It boggles my mind that they have managed to make "it" worse, considering that "it" involved the magical scientology fairy wishing all the problems away so the ultra-KH-god could take over the rest of known existence.

/puke

rain_maker wrote:/puke

We have a smilie for that over there~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>

I rather enjoyed Sandworms.

Sandwurm88 wrote:I rather enjoyed Sandworms.

Obvious troll is obvious!

I agree Sandworms was the worst: It raped the name Dune and the plot-ideas were silly, BUT... you could actually read it as a 'story'.
The Legends of Dune books (and Paul of Dune), are sooooo incredibly boring (because of the repetition and unnecessary storylines) that I consider them unreadable.

dunaddict wrote:I agree Sandworms was the worst: It raped the name Dune and the plot-ideas were silly, BUT... you could actually read it as a 'story'.
The Legends of Dune books (and Paul of Dune), are sooooo incredibly boring (because of the repetition and unnecessary storylines) that I consider them unreadable.

I agree aside from 1 thing, for "unnecessary plotlines" Sandworms/Hunters reigns supreme, not just of the mcDune, but likely of any story ever written by anyone.

If you examin all the plots that are woven into those 2 books, not a SINGLE one of them has anything to do with the ending, with a possible exeption going to the plotline that involved Norma talking with her navigators - though technically that just BARELY had something to do with the ending.

Of all the other plotlines (never counted them but there must have been 10 or something goofy like that) you could remove/change utterly any one of them, several of them, or ALL of them and it would have zero effect on the resolution to the book.

THAT is what I call unnecessary plotting.

Ok, but Sandworms' ending made all plotlines of ALL the Dune novels after the Legends series redundant. That was the 'surprise'. Didn't you like it?

But remember 'the Machine Crusade';
Near the end almost every character was killed off. They spent two novels training those Ginaz dudes. They spent two novels building up tension about the mysterious lost Titan 'Hecate'. And what happens? The crazy bitch is killed for no apparent reason and crashes into Ginaz and they all die in the explosion. Hundreds of pages that served no purpose. Even their deaths had no impact on the rest of the story......

dunaddict wrote:Ok, but Sandworms' ending made all plotlines of ALL the Dune novels after the Legends series redundant. That was the 'surprise'. Didn't you like it?

But remember 'the Machine Crusade';
Near the end almost every character was killed off. They spent two novels training those Ginaz dudes. They spent two novels building up tension about the mysterious lost Titan 'Hecate'. And what happens? The crazy bitch is killed for no apparent reason and crashes into Ginaz and they all die in the explosion. Hundreds of pages that served no purpose. Even their deaths had no impact on the rest of the story......

Ah, hell, did you have to remind me? That was nearly all gone...

Those are good points for sure, truly they are masters of writing meaningless plots.

In Sadworms, KJA raped Dune. In the new "Heroes" books, he's making Dune lick it clean.

SandChigger wrote:In Sadworms, KJA raped Dune. In the new "Heroes" books, he's making Dune lick it clean.

...and wiping it off with it's hair.

Not true. It is Frank Herbert who raped Dune. He blindly accepted Irulan's version of events. Idiot. We should thank KJA for finally giving us the true story.
Thank you Kevin! Thank you for fixing Dune! I always suspected Paul couldn't have been born on Caladan. And it was a little bit strange that the son of a duke never left his homeworld. And Jessica? Why on earth would he sent his men to buy that woman? Of course she was forced on to him. And don't even mention the Baron's obesity. No one gets that fat by just eating all the time, right? Oh, and it's obvious Gurney can take care of himself. Do you really think he needed some Duke to rescue him from the Harkonnen? Of course not.

No, don't blame KJA. He did what needed to be done.