Jᴀᴄᴜʀᴜᴛᴜ - Tʜᴇ Cᴀsᴛ Oᴜᴛ

Mr Teg and I traded BoBo books last year and I read Sidney's Comet and he read the first volume of the Timewub series (which, as a reminder, I had and have only skimmed through scattered bits of).

After the crap that is Timeweb and, of course, the McDune books, Comet actually seemed much better written and actually fairly amusing, especially considering it was written in the early/mid 80s. I could almost imagine myself having liked it had I read it back then. At least at first.

By the end, though, everything just seemed really tired and stupid, even for something intended as satire and farce. And the references to "cappies" (handicapped people) got to be REALLY old.

I guess that was the main problem: it just went on for too long.

I read some of that Timeweb shit in some of these threads. It was textbook SHITE. It was like he was trying to cram as many adjectives and adverbs as possible into every sentence. Brian Herbert is no writer.

I keep thinking these hacks should improve as they become more experienced writers.


They don't.

DuneFishUK wrote:I keep thinking these hacks should improve as they become more experienced writers.


They don't.

You can learn a monkey a trick, but in the end it is still a monkey.

Serkanner wrote:

DuneFishUK wrote:I keep thinking these hacks should improve as they become more experienced writers.
They don't.

You can learn a monkey a trick, but in the end it is still a monkey.

When your sole motivation is to mass produce something that has enough explosions and robots to satisfy a tween audience, you're not going to get any better at writing. You end up dictating most of your drafts in the car, on the way to the summit of one of the 14ers.

It's possible that they would get better if they gave a shit about good writing, but they're happy to insult good writers as critical darlings and resent Frank Herbert for leaving action scenes "off-screen" (He could've got at least four massacres and a sex scene out of that backstory!)

merkin muffley wrote:He could've got at least four massacres and a sex scene out of that backstory!)

yeah I think you hit a nerve there, the frustration that keith must have felt when reading Dune and not understanding the reason why there was hardly any pew pew bonk bonk is so obvious you could write a whole backstory with it!

And now he feels he has the chance to correct that, change literary history to make it fit his narrow and dumb views of writing...

pew pew bonk bonk

"I can smell a graphic battle-n-sexer scene from a mile away anymore!"



(Don't worry, I'll get it out of my system in another day or two. )

SandChigger wrote:pew pew bonk bonk

"I can smell a graphic battle-n-sexer scene from a mile away anymore!"

(Don't worry, I'll get it out of my system in another day or two. )

It takes as long as it takes.

Ohh, this topic is fun

Forgive me for being totally uninformed, but has a plot description of Smellhole been released in any form? Anyone have a clue as to what it's about?

If so, I'm wondering if it's time for another bullshit first chapter to a new KJA book I know virtually nothing about a la Terrib El Cognito.

I tried checking Keith's DN blog for info, but I'm seeing nothing but hilarious spam for pages and pages... Awesome!

Drunken Idaho wrote:...has a plot description of Smellhole been released in any form?

Here's the blurb from the U.K. publisher:

Only the most desperate would ever dare to make a new home on Hellhole, a planet ravaged by natural disasters. Persistent volcanic eruptions, destructive storms and recent damage inflicted by asteroid impact make the planet a dumping ground for undesirables, misfits and charlatans. But its location out on the wild frontiers of the Constellation, among the Deep Zone worlds, makes it the final refuge for those fleeing from the rule of Diadem Michella Duchenet - a tyrant with a sweet face, but a dark and heardened heart. General Adolphus, the military leader exiled to the planet when he was defeated in the first revolution against the Diadem, is determined to transform Hellhole into a place of opportunity. While the colonists are diligently working to develop the planet, the General is forging secret alliances with the leaders of the other Deep Zone worlds. He dreams of turning his prison into the centre of a new coalition of planets free from the Diadem's iron grip.

Back on the decadent capital planet of Sonjeera, surrounded by corruption and consumed by the plots and feuds of the old guard nobles, Diadem Michella is confident that the General has been neutralized. She has no idea of the revolt growing in the Deep Zone ...or does she?

But what no one knows is this: the planet Hellhole, though damaged and volatile, hides secrets of historic magnitude. Lurking beneath the surface are the remnants of an obliterated alien civilization, detailing an unrecorded past, which, if unearthed, could tear the fragile human civilization apart.

Have fun with it!!

Man, people should just read Harry Harrisons Deathworld books, at least they're a good laugh.

Sev wrote:

Drunken Idaho wrote:...has a plot description of Smellhole been released in any form?

Here's the blurb from the U.K. publisher:

Only the most desperate would ever dare to make a new home on Hellhole, a planet ravaged by natural disasters. Persistent volcanic eruptions, destructive storms and recent damage inflicted by asteroid impact make the planet a dumping ground for undesirables, misfits and charlatans. But its location out on the wild frontiers of the Constellation, among the Deep Zone worlds, makes it the final refuge for those fleeing from the rule of Diadem Michella Duchenet - a tyrant with a sweet face, but a dark and heardened heart. General Adolphus, the military leader exiled to the planet when he was defeated in the first revolution against the Diadem, is determined to transform Hellhole into a place of opportunity. While the colonists are diligently working to develop the planet, the General is forging secret alliances with the leaders of the other Deep Zone worlds. He dreams of turning his prison into the centre of a new coalition of planets free from the Diadem's iron grip.

Back on the decadent capital planet of Sonjeera, surrounded by corruption and consumed by the plots and feuds of the old guard nobles, Diadem Michella is confident that the General has been neutralized. She has no idea of the revolt growing in the Deep Zone ...or does she?

But what no one knows is this: the planet Hellhole, though damaged and volatile, hides secrets of historic magnitude. Lurking beneath the surface are the remnants of an obliterated alien civilization, detailing an unrecorded past, which, if unearthed, could tear the fragile human civilization apart.

Have fun with it!!

Thanks! It sounds really dumb, naturally... "She has no idea of the great revolt growing in the Deep Zone... or does she?" Well which is it?! One could present any falsehood about a book in its publishers' blurb, and easily follow it up with "Or does it?"

George and Lennie have no plans to escape their destitute existence... Or do they?

I BET her deep zone in revolting.

Freakzilla wrote:I BET her deep zone in revolting.

Or is it?

Where the hell have YOU been?

I have no real excuse for my absence... I popped in from time to time just to read about what y'all were talking about, but was too lazy to post. That is, until I read this thread of course! Hilarious news about Death-Knellhole, with the test markets and so on... Really makes me want to write another bullshit first chapter.

Sev wrote:

Drunken Idaho wrote:...has a plot description of Smellhole been released in any form?

Here's the blurb from the U.K. publisher:

Only the most desperate would ever dare to make a new home on Hellhole, a planet ravaged by natural disasters. Persistent volcanic eruptions, destructive storms and recent damage inflicted by asteroid impact make the planet a dumping ground for undesirables, misfits and charlatans. But its location out on the wild frontiers of the Constellation, among the Deep Zone worlds, makes it the final refuge for those fleeing from the rule of Diadem Michella Duchenet - a tyrant with a sweet face, but a dark and heardened heart. General Adolphus, the military leader exiled to the planet when he was defeated in the first revolution against the Diadem, is determined to transform Hellhole into a place of opportunity. While the colonists are diligently working to develop the planet, the General is forging secret alliances with the leaders of the other Deep Zone worlds. He dreams of turning his prison into the centre of a new coalition of planets free from the Diadem's iron grip.

Back on the decadent capital planet of Sonjeera, surrounded by corruption and consumed by the plots and feuds of the old guard nobles, Diadem Michella is confident that the General has been neutralized. She has no idea of the revolt growing in the Deep Zone ...or does she?

But what no one knows is this: the planet Hellhole, though damaged and volatile, hides secrets of historic magnitude. Lurking beneath the surface are the remnants of an obliterated alien civilization, detailing an unrecorded past, which, if unearthed, could tear the fragile human civilization apart.

Have fun with it!!

I think I've read this story before. Of course back then it was better written and by someone else.

inhuien wrote:Man, people should just read Harry Harrisons Deathworld books, at least they're a good laugh.

I have an embarrasing number of Stainless Steel Rat books and the Eden trilogy. Not bad that last, guilty pleasure that first.

I want to be ruled over and have my evil smelt by the Diadem Michella Douche-net.



It's going to be absolute shit!

makes it the final refuge for those fleeing from the rule of Diadem Michella Duchenet - a tyrant with a sweet face

What!? Douchenet, the tyrant with a sweet face? Are we sure this isn't all just an elaborate practical joke...

She has no idea of the revolt growing in the Deep Zone ...or does she?

Oh, CHIT! Something revolting is brewing in the sweet-faced Douchenet's Deep Zone!!! Does she have any idea? Or doesn't she?

Does she, or doesn't she? I want to know. Seriously...

Does she?

I'll bet that she does. I can't wait to read this fucker! Alas, only another few years before it sees the light of day.

I feel a growler coming up the trail!

Nekhrun wrote:I'll bet that she does. I can't wait to read this fucker! Alas, only another few years before it sees the light of day.

Or is it?

lotek wrote:I feel a growler coming up the trail!

Or do you?


Okay I'm done now...

Or am I?

Who are you and