Jᴀᴄᴜʀᴜᴛᴜ - Tʜᴇ Cᴀsᴛ Oᴜᴛ

I was farting around today and came across this advertisement for the new Pall of Dune steamer:

http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/serie ... f-dune.htm

Here is the little blurb they have on it:

Frank Herbert's Dune ended with Paul Muad'Dib in control of the planet Dune. Herbert's next Dune book, Dune Messiah, picked up the story several years later after Paul's armies had conquered the galaxy. But what happened between Dune and Dune Messiah? How did Paul�create his empire and become the Messiah? Following in the footsteps of Frank Herbert, New York Times bestselling authors Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson are answering these questions in Paul of Dune.

The Muad'Dib's jihad is in full swing. His warrior legions march from victory to victory. But beneath the joy of victory there are dangerous undercurrents. Paul, like nearly every great conqueror, has enemies--those who would betray him to steal the awesome power he commands. . . .

And Paul himself begins to have doubts: Is the jihad getting out of his control? Has he created anarchy? Has he been betrayed by those he loves and trusts the most? And most of all, he wonders: Am I going mad?

Paul of Dune is a novel everyone will want to read and no one will be able to forget.

Dreadful. But I wouldn't be living up to my reputation if I didn't pick it apart and trash it, mostly out-of-context

And Paul himself begins to have doubts: Is the jihad getting out of his control?

That was already established in Dune, dumbshits. Paul states quite explicitly that the Jihad would roll on with or without him.

Has he been betrayed by those he loves and trusts the most?

Yes, Yueh. Frank already took care of that little plot line.
(Oh, the suspense is killing me..... )

And most of all, he wonders: Am I going mad?

Oh, for the love of gawd. I think i just threw up in my little, gray mouth. You know this is going to take stupid to all new levels. Hope he is cured by the time it gets to the sequel to Paul of Dune--Dune Messiah. I'm dreading this....

Paul of Dune is a novel everyone will want to read and no one will be able to forget.

Oh I'm certain of that. I'll want to read it to lambaste the shit out of it. And I doubt I will be able to forget it, as it will likely take sucking to levels that have never been achieved by mere mortals...

How did Paul�create his empire and become the Messiah?

Umm. Well, he did this thing where he threatended to destroy all spice production unless they gave him the job of emperor - and ah, he became the fremen messiah by exploiting the missionaria legends of the people, helped a bit being the KH and all...

I can't believe some of the shit I'm reading about this book.

Tleilax Master B wrote:

And most of all, he wonders: Am I going mad?

Oh, for the love of gawd. I think i just threw up in my little, gray mouth. You know this is going to take stupid to all new levels. Hope he is cured by the time it gets to the sequel to Paul of Dune--Dune Messiah. I'm dreading this....

Ready to see him get lost in his visions like Paulo in Sadworms? I wonder how he'll snap out of it?

Nekhrun wrote:Ready to see him get lost in his visions like Paulo in Sadworms? I wonder how he'll snap out of it?

Irulan will give him a BJ the way only a fully qualified BG can.

Bet lil' Brian would've liked to see that with Jessica and Chani waking up Paul in Dune, the dirty bastard.

orald wrote:

Nekhrun wrote:Ready to see him get lost in his visions like Paulo in Sadworms? I wonder how he'll snap out of it?

Irulan will give him a BJ the way only a fully qualified BG can.

Bet lil' Brian would've liked to see that with Jessica and Chaney waking up Paul in Dune, the dirty bastard.

I'm telling you now. There will be a scene in that book where Paul sexually humiliates Irulan as a way of letting off steam of the jihad, mark my words.

The Muad'Dib's jihad is in full swing. His warrior legions march from victory to victory. But beneath the joy of victory there are dangerous undercurrents.

Joy of victory? Lord have mercy.

I don't remember Paul ever being really happy about the idea of the jihad. I mean, I think he was happy to get rid of Shaddam and become emperor, from a revenge-my-dad perspective, but he never wanted to be a messiah.

When I read the synopsis of this book, for every subject that is raised, I think either "but that was explained in Dune", or "but that was explained in Dune Messiah", or "but that's not what happened".

(BTW, I do think Paul was a hero, but a deeply conflicted, deeply flawed hero. Not a "jump in my starfighter and shoot up the bad guys" kind of hero)

HBJ

Lord, will a plane please fall on KJA's house....

Hunchback Jack wrote:

The Muad'Dib's jihad is in full swing. His warrior legions march from victory to victory. But beneath the joy of victory there are dangerous undercurrents.

Joy of victory? Lord have mercy.

I don't remember Paul every being really happy about the idea of the jihad. I mean, I think he was happy to get rid of Shaddam and become emperor, from a revenge-my-dad perspective, but he never wanted to be a messiah.

When I read the synopsis of this book, for every subject that is raised, I think either "but that was explained in Dune", or "but that was explained in Dune Messiah", or "but that's not what happened".

(BTW, I do think Paul was a hero, but a deeply conflicted, deeply flawed hero. Not a "jump in my starfighter and shoot up the bad guys" kind of hero)

HBJ

Also, just to poke fun at who ever wrote it, they use the word victory three times out of nine words.

Crysknife wrote:Lord, will a plane please fall on KJA's house....

**cue music from Mad World**

Frank the Bunny says: "No effing chance."

And, as I have pointed out before, "The Muad'Dib's Jihad" is NOT NATIVE ENGLISH the way I speak (and TEACH) it.

Names [proper noun phrases] take articles in English only as exceptions to the rule. Dune, Arrakis, Paul, Chani, and the Landsraad, the Bene Gesserit, the Imperium, but NEVER the Muad'Dib.

Furthermore, names in possessive case act like determiners [articles] in English and you can't have two determiners of the same type in one noun phrase, so the the there can't be paired with Jihad because Muad'Dib's blocks it.

This is the kind of error my freshman students sometimes make. (You can get away with it in Japanese, so they just carry it over.) And I assume you all have noticed that it's being REPOSTED EVERYWHERE?

SandChigger wrote:And, as I have pointed out before, "The Muad'Dib's Jihad" is NOT NATIVE ENGLISH the way I speak (and TEACH) it.

Names [proper noun phrases] take articles in English only as exceptions to the rule. Dune, Arrakis, Paul, Chani, and the Landsraad, the Bene Gesserit, the Imperium, but NEVER the Muad'Dib.

Furthermore, names in possessive case act like determiners [articles] in English and you can't have two determiners of the same type in one noun phrase, so the the there can't be paired with Jihad because Muad'Dib's blocks it.

This is the kind of error my freshman students sometimes make. (You can get away with it in Japanese, so they just carry it over.) And I assume you all have noticed that it's being REPOSTED EVERYWHERE?

Oh, no. The grammar is intentional. They mean to call it The Mouse's Jihad.

No, not really.

But the non-native flavor of this one (which could be just a typo...but PROOFREAD FOR FOOK'S SAKE!!!) caught my eye.

Tleilax Master B wrote:

Frank Herbert's Dune ended with Paul Muad'Dib in control of the planet Dune. Herbert's next Dune book, Dune Messiah, picked up the story several years later after Paul's armies had conquered the galaxy. But what happened between Dune and Dune Messiah? How did Paul�create his empire and become the Messiah? Following in the footsteps of Frank Herbert, New York Times bestselling authors Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson are answering these questions in Paul of Dune.

The Muad'Dib's jihad is in full swing. His warrior legions march from victory to victory. But beneath the joy of victory there are dangerous undercurrents. Paul, like nearly every great conqueror, has enemies--those who would betray him to steal the awesome power he commands. . . .

And Paul himself begins to have doubts: Is the jihad getting out of his control? Has he created anarchy? Has he been betrayed by those he loves and trusts the most? And most of all, he wonders: Am I going mad?

Paul of Dune is a novel everyone will want to read and no one will be able to forget.

Brian of Dune

Brian, like every writer, has critics--those who would judge him.

Brian himself begins to have doubts: Is the Franchise getting out of his control? Has he created a mediocracy? Has he betrayed those who loved and cherished his father's work? And most of all, he wonders: Am I going mad?

Brian of Dune is a biography everyone will want to read and no one will be able to forget.

trang wrote: Sucking Sign the likes God has never seen!!!!!!

Hehe. I like that
(inserting "of which" would make it perfect )

It's bad folks, from the latest Anderzone issue (which I get cause I got the Shatworms stickies):

The first book in this sequence, PAUL OF DUNE, is in effect a DIRECT SEQUEL (emphasis mine) to DUNE, filling in much of the story of Paul's Jihad; JESSICA OF DUNE also fits mostly into this time period. IRULAN OF DINE, a sequel to DUNE MESSIAH takes place after a blind Paul has walked off into the desert, leaving his empire in the hands of Alia. LETO OF DUNE takes place immediately after CHILDREN OF DUNE, showcasing the first years of the God Emperor's reign. (This latter novel is the story most requested in the fan mail we receive.)

Irulan of Dine?

Perhaps it's effectively a manual on how to hold your chopsticks at the Imperial table?

Phaedrus wrote:Irulan of Dine?

Perhaps it's effectively a manual on how to hold your chopsticks at the Imperial table?

I know it won't be dealing with her sexual frustration from being cut off from Paul's sandworm

Rob

Robspierre wrote:

Phaedrus wrote:Irulan of Dine?

Perhaps it's effectively a manual on how to hold your chopsticks at the Imperial table?

I know it won't be dealing with her sexual frustration from being cut off from Paul's sandworm

Rob

That one will be called "Urinal of Doom"

IRULAN OF DUNE

The new international best-seller from the pens of Kevin Anderson and Brian Herbert.

The Direct Successor to Dune the Messiah and the prequel to Children of the Dune

Paul-the-Muad’Dib, prophet of a tribe of desert religious maniacs, in a stroke of supreme irony, has been struck blind by the lasers fired from the eyes of a cymek who was hiding in the cupboard of that Fedaykin’s house, the one with the druggee daughter who was impersonated by that Face Dancer guy.

Will Paul accept eyes from the Thlieslaxu, or will he remain proudly blind? The future of the empire hangs in the balance as Paul’s prescience fails him when he receives a very bad blow job and is unable to correctly identify the fellator. Was it Chani, or Irulan in disguise?
The evil arch-enemy, Comb-Over Harkonnen, arrives on the scene with this army of admiring cocksuckers and arselickers, explaining how “born” really means “naming ceremony”, and casually re-writing history to cover up his fuck-ups. His legion of unquestioning sycophants gleefully munch on his shit, and in a twist which leaves the reader reeling, the identity of person who gave Paul the very bad blow-job is revealed to be none other than Comb-Over himself, when the Muad-Dibs jizz is discovered in Comb-Over’s hair.

A further surprise awaits the reader of this much-anticipated book, which involves Norma, a dirty toilet brush and a packet of Roast Beef Monster Munch. This book will live in the reader’s imagination for minutes.

Advance Praise for IRULAN OF DUNE –

“Fucking great, although I found the language to be a bit fruity for my usual puritan tastes, and the sex scenes were derivative and unimaginative. Not a sniff of a lesbian minge-eating session in sight, most disappointing. ” – Hyppo of Arrakeen

“The love scenes were sensational. I was actually moist on finishing the book” – Harriet Klausner

“Compulsive reading, just like my eating disorder” – Anne McCaffrey

“Magnufischent” – Mr R.E.Tard

“I surmised it to be better than Dune the Messiah, but do’nut quote me on that” – Brian Herbert

“Suck my sloppy cock, you OH bastards!” – Kevin J. Anderson

“Kevin must die” – Orald of Jacurutu

Love the quotes.

I was actually laughing out loud at the "live in the reader's imagination for minutes" and the quotes. Nicely done, nicely done.

Harriet lives!

Well, there is at least one book we know Harriet actually finished.

chanilover wrote:“Kevin must die” – Orald of Jacurutu