Keith J. Hackerson's DUNE BLOG / tehKJA's Blahg(kjablog.com)

[SandRider]

exact same one as on wordfire - how long has he been doing that,
"writing" one piece and double-posting it ? or triple, same thing on
his myspace ?

[Omphalos]

FUCKING HIKER.

Here's his latest blawg:

Kevin's 2009 Mountain Calendar

Many of you know that I do most of my original writing while I'm out hiking in the beautiful Colorado mountains near my home.

My brother-in-law Tim and I have climbed all 54 of Colorado's peaks higher than 14,000 ft and we've hiked more than three hundred miles of the Colorado Trail. Along the way I have dictated my half of eleven DUNE novels, all seven "Saga of Seven Suns" books, Slan Hunter, and numerous other projects.

This year, Tim and I have produced a beautiful full-color calendar with our own photographs as well as original writing, personal stories about our experiences in the mountains. Though we created it as a special gift for friends and family, we printed and autographed a limited quantity of the calendars, which I can offer to fans. These are large-format (11 X 17) on heavy paper, full color, spiral bound. You can order a copy direct from anderzoneshop.com (along with some other unique collectible items that may be of interest to fans).

Just $24.99!

WHAT THE FUCK DOES ANY OF THAT HAVE TO DO WITH DUNE OR DUNE NOVELS OR THE FUCKING DIMWIT HERBERT LIMITED PARTNERSHIP?!

Bunch of idiot dupes.... Why else would they let him do this shit?

I'd love to hear his brother-in-law's "personal stories" about hiking with Kevin.

Uh....So this asshole husband of my sister's says that we can make a lot of money if I walk behind him and take some pictures of places he has passed on his hikes. I sure as hell hope this pays off, cause I want to strangle him after listening to those stupid stories he tells his machine.

[Tleszer]

Uh....So this asshole husband of my sister's says that we can make a lot of money if I walk behind him and take some pictures of places he has passed on his hikes. I sure as hell hope this pays off, cause I want to strangle him after listening to those stupid stories he tells his machine.

And then it will be my time. My horn will pierce the sky! I wonder... could those tapes actually be worth something? His notes will be worth a fortune!

[DuneFishUK]

personal stories about our experiences in the mountains

[TheDukester]

Along the way I have dictated my half of eleven DUNE novels ...

Wrong, douchebag.

Frank Herbert has written six Dune novels. You've written none.

[Tleszer]

personal stories about our experiences in the mountains

I wonder who enjoyed that more.

[Frybread]

Along the way I have dictated my half of eleven DUNE novels ...

Wrong, douchebag.

Frank Herbert has written six Dune novels. You've written none.

(Supposedly) outdoing authors in their own universes. This is all it's about to the Hack, isn't it?

[SandChigger]

exact same one as on wordfire - how long has he been doing that, "writing" one piece and double-posting it ? or triple, same thing on his myspace ?

For as long as I've been watching. I rarely check his Wordfire site, just assume everything is posted in triplicate. I figure he writes something and posts it on MySpace and then mails it to Uncle Mike to upload onto the other two mirror sites.

(Tleszer: The squirrels watching from the trees.)

[Ampoliros]

personal stories about our experiences in the mountains

I especially like the censored bar on the Sheep's face. Or is it there so we don't see that its a ram?

[chanilover]

Here, maybe this will cheer you up:



Fruitilicious!

He'll probably "write" her into the next book as a character. Maybe some voluptuous BG Imprinter who gives Paul a titwank with her pendulous breasts whilst he nibbles on a piece of pineapple (or is that mish mish?)

[SandChigger]

Pineapple.

(I thought mishmish meant apricot. If that's an apricot up there...the tree has a gland problem. )

[SandChigger]

You know, we really oughta come up with a whole year's worth of these and call it

KEVIN'S MOUNTIN' CALENDAR

featuring Kevin mounting a variety of wildlife and ... other things. (The other day on the phone Teg suggested a boy scout troop. )

[Robspierre]

No people, that doesn't fit the hack tastes, at least based on what he considers to be a sex scene, animals and inanimate objects seem to be more his taste


Rob

[Omphalos]

I'm fairly certain that if that calendar were produced, Kevvie would be putting the stones to Erashole in January.

[cmsahe]

WHAT THE FUCK DOES ANY OF THAT HAVE TO DO WITH DUNE OR DUNE NOVELS OR THE FUCKING DIMWIT HERBERT LIMITED PARTNERSHIP?!

Bunch of idiot dupes.... Why else would they let him do this shit?

KJA is a spammer and I hope a wild cat crosses, a cougar, on his path!

[SandRider]

while not the "Dune Blog" per se, this is the latest Wordfire blahg, which
I'm assuming will be copypasta'd Over There when Uncle Mike sobers up,
if that is in fact still the order of affairs in that Monkey House.

anyway, thought I'd post in this thread instead of starting yet another
"mock-Keith's-blagh" thread - or maybe "twitter wars" could fulfill that
function; there should be enough material to bloat this thread, tho.

When I was starting out, I submitted dozens and dozens of stories to various magazines and anthologies. At one point, I had 30 different manuscripts in the mail to different markets. I always wondered what went on in the slushpile when an editor would pick up the stack of envelopes from that day’s mail, and how my manuscript was treated among all those other clamoring submissions.

I’ve served as editor on seven anthologies, most of them specific-concept anthologies where I solicited particular authors for particular stories (Star Wars, War of the Worlds). I am also the editor of the next NEBULA AWARDS SHOWCASE, which is composed of reprints of the winners and nominees as well as some original essays.

However, I’ve just finished choosing the stories for my second BLOOD LITE anthology, which gave me a different perspective on editors looking at manuscripts from the slushpile. I was surprised to discover the things I cared about, the things that bothered me, the things that worked and what didn’t.

Because I’m editing BLOOD LITE on behalf of the Horror Writers Association, all of the submissions went to them first and then were forwarded to me. I received a regular stream of manuscripts, some from big names and established pros, most from people whose names I didn’t recognize. Since I decided to read them all anyway, I didn’t sort them or organize them, just picked up the first one, then the next, then the next.

I found that I really didn’t care about all the variations in manuscript formatting. As long as it was in a readable font and doublespaced and the pages numbered, it was fine. Since they were all in electronic files, I could reformat the manuscript in a jiffy if I wanted to.

Also, unless the stories were written by a major bestseller or award winner, I didn’t pay much attention to the author’s credits either. Didn’t really matter to me if they had a handful of stories published, a novel, or if they were complete newbies. Turns out that the writers’ level of professionalism became quickly apparent in the story itself. I didn’t care if the author included a cover letter or not; it was pretty obvious why they were sending me the story.

I went through all of the submissions over the course of a month or so. Some of them were slam-dunks and I immediately put them on the “Accept” pile. Others just didn’t work, either because of unpolished writing or so-so storytelling, and they were rejected. The biggest pile, though, was “Maybe” — the majority of stories that I liked, but either had plot holes, or needed work, or needed to be shortened, or had familiar ideas. The hardest part of the process came after I tallied up the word count of the stories I had definitely accepted, then tried to see how many Maybes I could fit with the remaining words I had left to fill (and how much I had left to pay them). I included the best ones, and had to return the rest.

As to what tips I can give an aspiring writer from the slushpile editor’s perspective, these things were big black marks against the submissions:

• Remember to put your e-mail address and word count on the front page. The reasons should be obvious. A lot of people didn’t do it.

• Don’t put a copyright notice on your manuscript. You don’t need it. It tells me you’re a novice. (Worst was one manuscript that stated “Copyright 2007” — you don’t want to tell the editor that this is a story you couldn’t sell for the past three years.)

• And most important of all, *send a submission that’s appropriate.* BLOOD LITE is an anthology of humorous horror stories. That’s not too complicated or obscure — send me a horror story that’s funny. Now, if you attempt to be funny but it fizzles, so it goes. I won’t buy the story, but I won’t hold a grudge until my dying breath. On the other hand, if you send me a story that in no conceivable way fits the guidelines, one that’s a straight horror story without any possible humor in it, and I read it all the way through wondering “What’s the punchline? There better be something funny coming up. Still waiting.” — that is enough to annoy me greatly. I have other submissions to read and other deadlines to meet, and this just wasted my time. Not cool, and not a way to ingratiate yourself to an editor.

KJA

David Farland, Eric Flint, Brandon Sanderson, Rebecca Moesta, and myself are presenting a full panel on how editors review manuscripts as part of our SuperStars Writing Seminar in Pasadena this March—www.superstarswritingseminars.com—along with other topics of interest to serious writers.

anyway, it was this that caught my attention:

Turns out that the writers’ level of professionalism became quickly apparent in the story itself.

hmmm.

yes, it do.

Others just didn’t work, either because of unpolished writing or so-so storytelling, and they were rejected. The biggest pile, though, was “Maybe” — the majority of stories that I liked, but either had plot holes, or needed work, or needed to be shortened, or had familiar ideas.

Biggest. TOOL. EVER.

[Freakzilla]

Pot... kettle... black...

[Hunchback Jack]

Pot... kettle... black...

My thoughts exactly, Freak.

The idea of this tool selecting (nay, *rejecting*) other people's work based on writing quality just boggles the mind.

I considered dissecting this masterpiece line by line, but others here can do it much better, and it almost doesn't need it. Given the author, it mocks itself.

HBJ

[SandRider]

great line, Jack.

"Keith's words mock themselves."

our work is done here.

[inhuien]

Is that one of them there self-fulfilling prophecies?

[Lundse]

The biggest pile, though, was “Maybe” — the majority of stories that I liked, but either had plot holes, or needed work, or needed to be shortened, or had familiar ideas.

Comedy gold! KJA finding plot holes? There exists writing on this planet he believes has too familiar ideas to be publishable? This is too rich...!

[SandRider]

okay, we all know that Keith's wordfire blagh has been "updated" -
this the current "bio" ...

prepare to mock in three ... two ... one ....

Kevin J. Anderson is the author of more than one hundred novels, 47 of which have appeared on national or international bestseller lists. He has over 20 million books in print in thirty languages. He has won or been nominated for numerous prestigious awards, including the Nebula Award, Bram Stoker Award, the SFX Reader's Choice Award, the American Physics Society's Forum Award, and New York Times Notable Book. By any measure, he is one of the most popular writers currently working in the science fiction genre.

Anderson has coauthored ten books in Frank Herbert's classic DUNE universe with Herbert's son Brian. The initial deal with Bantam Books was the largest single science fiction contract in publishing history. The first novel, DUNE: HOUSE ATREIDES became a #1 international bestseller and was voted "Book of the Year" by the members of the Science Fiction Book Club by the largest margin in the history of the award. All of the subsequent DUNE novels have also been bestsellers, each one peaking even higher on the lists; the most recent volume is PAUL OF DUNE, a direct sequel to the original classic DUNE; the authors will release JESSICA OF DUNE in August 2009. For further information, see the official "Dune" site, http://www.dunenovels.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;. Herbert and Anderson are also co-producers on a major new film of DUNE from Paramount Pictures.

Anderson's highly popular epic science fiction series, "The Saga of Seven Suns," is his most ambitious work, comprised of HIDDEN EMPIRE, A FOREST OF STARS, HORIZON STORMS, SCATTERED SUNS, OF FIRE AND NIGHT, METAL SWARM, and the grand finale, THE ASHES OF WORLDS, as well as the graphic novel prequel, VEILED ALLIANCES. Practically unheard-of in the field, Anderson released all seven large volumes on time, year after year, and he completed the series with Book #7. On his book-signing tour of New Zealand and Australia, METAL SWARM became the #1 best-selling science fiction novel on the continent. The final volume hit general fiction bestseller lists in the UK.

Now that "Seven Suns" is complete -- after eight years of effort -- Anderson is working on an epic nautical fantasy trilogy, "Terra Incognita," about sailing ships, sea monsters, and the crusades. The first volume, THE EDGE OF THE WORLD, will be released internationally by Orbit in June 2009. He has begun work on the second volume, THE MAP OF ALL THINGS, for summer 2010 publication.

Anderson's STAR WARS "Jedi Academy" books were the three top-selling SF novels of 1994. His three original STAR WARS anthologies -- TALES FROM THE MOS EISLEY CANTINA, TALES FROM JABBA'S PALACE, and TALES OF THE BOUNTY HUNTERS are the best-selling science fiction anthologies of all time. He has also completed numerous other projects for Lucasfilm, including the 14-volumes in the bestselling and award-winning YOUNG JEDI KNIGHTS series (cowritten with his wife Rebecca Moesta). Anderson is the author of three hardcover novels based on the X-FILES; all became international bestsellers, the first of which reached #1 on the London Sunday Times.

He has also coauthored a major bestseller with Dean Koontz, PRODIGAL SON, which sold more than a million copies in a single year. He has written original novels SLAN HUNTER (a completion of SF grand-master A.E. van Vogt's last novel), HOPSCOTCH, CAPTAIN NEMO, THE MARTIAN WAR, BLINDFOLD, RESURRECTION, INC., and the thrillers ILL WIND and IGNITION (both with Doug Beason). In 1997, during a promotional tour for his comedy/adventure novel AI! PEDRITO!, Anderson set the Guinness World Record for "Largest Single-Author Book Signing." For the Horror Writers Association, he edited the bestselling anthology of humorous horror stories, BLOOD LITE (Pocket Books), containing new works by Charlaine Harris, Jim Butcher, Sherrilyn Kenyon, Joe Lansdale, Kelley Armstrong, and many others.

Anderson recently worked with DC Comics to publish THE LAST DAYS OF KRYPTON, an epic science fiction novel that reveals the never-before-told story of the end of Superman's planet. His next novel for DC, due in May 2009, is ENEMIES & ALLIES, telling the first encounter of Superman and Batman in the 1950s during the Cold War.

Anderson has scripted numerous bestselling comics and graphic novels, including Justice Society of America for DC, Star-Jammers for Marvel, Star Wars and Predator for Dark Horse, X-Files for Topps, and Star Trek for Wildstorm. He and his wife Rebecca Moesta also wrote the original comic series and graphic novel, GRUMPY OLD MONSTERS for IDW.

Anderson's research has taken him to the top of Mount Whitney and the bottom of the Grand Canyon, inside the Cheyenne Mountain NORAD complex, into the Andes Mountains and the Amazon River, inside a Minuteman III missile silo and its underground control bunker, onto the deck of the aircraft carrier Nimitz, to Maya and Inca temple ruins in South and Central America, inside NASA's Vehicle Assembly Building at Cape Canaveral, onto the floor of the Pacific Stock Exchange, inside a plutonium plant at Los Alamos, and behind the scenes at FBI Headquarters in Washington, DC. He has climbed all 54 mountain peaks in the Colorado Rockies higher than 14,000 ft elevation, and he has completed more than 300 miles of the Colorado Trail. He also, occasionally, stays home and writes.

Personal Bio
Kevin J. Anderson was born March 27, 1962, and raised in small town Oregon, Wisconsin, south of Madison -- an environment that was a cross between a Ray Bradbury short story and a Norman Rockwell painting.

He first knew he wanted to create fiction when he was five years old, before he even knew how to write: he was so moved by the film of War of the Worlds on TV that he took a notepad the next day and drew pictures of scenes from the film, spread them out on the floor, and told the story out loud (maybe this is what led him into writing comics nearly three decades later!).

At eight years old, Kevin wrote his first "novel" (three pages long on pink scrap paper) on the typewriter in his father's den -- "The Injection," a story about a mad scientist who invents a formula that can bring anything to life . . . and when his colleagues scoff, he proceeds to bring a bunch of wax museum monsters and dinosaur skeletons to life so they can go on the rampage.

At the age of ten, he had saved up enough money from mowing lawns and doing odd jobs that he could either buy his own bicycle or his own typewriter.

Kevin chose the typewriter . . . and has been writing ever since.

He submitted his first short story to a magazine when he was a freshman in high school, and managed to collect 80 rejection slips for various manuscripts before he actually had a story accepted two years later (for a magazine that paid only in copies). When he was a senior, he sold his first story for actual money (a whopping $12.50), but he never slowed down. He sold his first novel, RESURRECTION, INC., by the time he turned 25.

Kevin worked in California for twelve years as a technical writer and editor at the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory, one of the nation's largest research facilities. At the Livermore Lab, he met his wife Rebecca Moesta and also his coauthor, Doug Beason.

After he had published ten of his own science fiction novels to wide critical acclaim, he came to the attention of Lucasfilm, and was offered the chance at writing Star Wars novels; he ended up doing 54 projects for them.

Along the way he also collected over 750 rejection slips, and a trophy as "The Writer with No Future" because he could produce more rejection slips by weight than any other writer at an entire conference. When asked for advice about how to be a successful writer, he answers quickly: PERSISTENCE!

After living in California for 15 years, he and his wife moved to Colorado where they have spent the past decade. He is an avid hiker and camper, doing much of his writing with a hand-held tape recorder while on long walks in Death Valley, the redwoods, or the Rocky Mountains. He is also a great fan of fine microbrews.

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>>edit<<

g-ds know I haven't been on the "official" site in a while -
was wondering if "Keith's Dune Blagh" was even still a repost of the wordfire blagh -
but I guess Merritt is/was/kinda started to do the "Dune Blog" ....

[Eyes High]

okay, we all know that Keith's wordfire blagh has been "updated" -
this the current "bio" ...

prepare to mock in three ... two ... one ....

... By any measure, he is one of the most popular writers currently working in the science fiction genre.

...
....

not by anything I measure with.

[Hunchback Jack]

Man, like shooting fish in a barrel, but here goes ...

Anderson has coauthored ten books in Frank Herbert's classic DUNE universe with Herbert's son Brian. The initial deal with Bantam Books was the largest single science fiction contract in publishing history.

... because it was Dune, not because it was KJA. Fail.

The first novel, DUNE: HOUSE ATREIDES became a #1 international bestseller and was voted "Book of the Year" by the members of the Science Fiction Book Club by the largest margin in the history of the award.

... because it was the first post-FH Dune novel, before anyone knew how bad they'd be. Fail.

All of the subsequent DUNE novels have also been bestsellers, each one peaking even higher on the lists; the most recent volume is PAUL OF DUNE, a direct sequel to the original classic DUNE; the authors will release JESSICA OF DUNE in August 2009.

Hmm, looks like this bit needs to be updated. Fail.

Herbert and Anderson are also co-producers on a major new film of DUNE from Paramount Pictures.

... although they hear about major developments - such as changes to the writing staff and director - the same time everyone else does. Fail.

Anderson's highly popular epic science fiction series, "The Saga of Seven Suns," is his most ambitious work,

Ambitious, yes. Successful in achieving its ambition? No.

Practically unheard-of in the field, Anderson

I can believe KJA is practically unheard of in the field. Oh, wait, I see ...

Practically unheard-of in the field, Anderson released all seven large volumes on time, year after year, and he completed the series with Book #7.

... as distinct from less accomplished authors who completed their seven-book series at book #6. Wait, what?

On his book-signing tour of New Zealand and Australia, METAL SWARM became the #1 best-selling science fiction novel on the continent. The final volume hit general fiction bestseller lists in the UK.

"general fiction bestseller lists"? Could you be less specific, I *almost* inferred something meaningful from that. Fail.

Now that "Seven Suns" is complete -- after eight years of effort

... or, at an average of three months a book, just under two years of effort. Although "effort" might be overstating it, too.

-- Anderson is working on an epic nautical fantasy trilogy, "Terra Incognita," about sailing ships, sea monsters, and the crusades. The first volume, THE EDGE OF THE WORLD, will be released internationally by Orbit in June 2009. He has begun work on the second volume, THE MAP OF ALL THINGS, for summer 2010 publication.

Out of date again. If you're going to expect people to *read* this essay, you should at least keep it current.

Anderson's STAR WARS "Jedi Academy" books were the three top-selling SF novels of 1994.

... because they were Star Wars, not because they were KJA. Fail.

His three original STAR WARS anthologies -- TALES FROM THE MOS EISLEY CANTINA, TALES FROM JABBA'S PALACE, and TALES OF THE BOUNTY HUNTERS are the best-selling science fiction anthologies of all time.

See above.

He has also completed numerous other projects for Lucasfilm,

Yeah, okay, we get it. You're Lucas's whore. Next.

Anderson is the author of three hardcover novels based on the X-FILES; all became international bestsellers, the first of which reached #1 on the London Sunday Times.

At the peak of X-files popularity. After Charles Grant had already paved the way with two full-length X-files novels.

He has also coauthored a major bestseller with Dean Koontz, PRODIGAL SON, which sold more than a million copies in a single year.

This is my personal favourite. Because, let's face it, people were buying Koontz, not KJA, *and* Koontz has since claimed sole authorship for the book, publishing it under his name only in the latest edition. Large, public, embarrassing FAIL.

He has written original novels SLAN HUNTER (a completion of SF grand-master A.E. van Vogt's last novel), HOPSCOTCH, CAPTAIN NEMO, THE MARTIAN WAR, BLINDFOLD, RESURRECTION, INC., and the thrillers ILL WIND and IGNITION (both with Doug Beason).

SLAN HUNTER, CAPTAIN NEMO and THE MARTIAN WAR were in others' universes. Not original.

In 1997, during a promotional tour for his comedy/adventure novel AI! PEDRITO!, Anderson set the Guinness World Record for "Largest Single-Author Book Signing."

A book co-authored by L Ron Hubbard. I wonder how many of those people were scientologists? Not that I'm suggesting they would organize such an event to promote Hubbard or Scientology. They've never done anything like that. Oh, wait ...

Anderson recently worked with DC Comics to publish THE LAST DAYS OF KRYPTON, an epic science fiction novel that reveals the never-before-told story of the end of Superman's planet. His next novel for DC, due in May 2009, is ENEMIES & ALLIES, telling the first encounter of Superman and Batman in the 1950s during the Cold War.

Out of date. And touting books set in others' universes. And published around the same time as superman/batman movies are seeing a revival.

Okay, this is too easy. Skip to the bio.

Personal Bio
Kevin J. Anderson was born March 27, 1962, and raised in small town Oregon, Wisconsin, south of Madison -- an environment that was a cross between a Ray Bradbury short story and a Norman Rockwell painting.

I'm guessing he hasn't read any of the former or seen any of the latter.

He first knew he wanted to create fiction when he was five years old, before he even knew how to write: he was so moved by the film of War of the Worlds on TV that he took a notepad the next day and drew pictures of scenes from the film, spread them out on the floor, and told the story out loud (maybe this is what led him into writing comics nearly three decades later!).

At eight years old, Kevin wrote his first "novel" (three pages long on pink scrap paper) on the typewriter in his father's den -- "The Injection," a story about a mad scientist who invents a formula that can bring anything to life . . . and when his colleagues scoff, he proceeds to bring a bunch of wax museum monsters and dinosaur skeletons to life so they can go on the rampage.

At the age of ten, he had saved up enough money from mowing lawns and doing odd jobs that he could either buy his own bicycle or his own typewriter.

Kevin chose the typewriter . . . and has been writing ever since.

I call bullshit. This sounds *so* much like myth-building I can't even tell you.

After he had published ten of his own science fiction novels to wide critical acclaim, he came to the attention of Lucasfilm, and was offered the chance at writing Star Wars novels; he ended up doing 54 projects for them.

Wait, is there where I came in? I think I've seen this bit already.

Along the way he also collected over 750 rejection slips, and a trophy as "The Writer with No Future" because he could produce more rejection slips by weight than any other writer at an entire conference. When asked for advice about how to be a successful writer, he answers quickly: PERSISTENCE!

... and a willing to hitch your wagon to any and every successful franchise, regardless of whether you are familiar with even the basic characters, situations, or established canon.

I know I'm being petty, smarmy and obvious, but dammit, this is such a self-serving, noxious pile of crap.

HBJ

[A Thing of Eternity]